Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Still hanging in there...

I've been trying not to lose my mind over the last few days and having a serious countdown until December 4th. This is the day we go in for the next ultrasound and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, see a heartbeat.

I sent my RE an email yesterday and she called me back. Yes, she is wonderful and absolutely rocks! I wanted to know if my symptoms are "normal" and if there is anything else I can possibly be doing...

One thing I love about my RE is that she's optimistic, yet realistic. She told me that spotting could be a sign of miscarriage, but at the same time, many, many women spot. Also, she said that cramping is perfectly normal. She reassured me that there is absolutely nothing we can do at this point to "save" the pregnancy... "it's baked" she said. She said, although you don't want to hear this, there is nothing more we can do but wait and see until things have progressed enough for us to scan you again and check progress. She said for me to live my life. If I were to go on bedrest between now and then, the outcome will still be the same. In a strange way, I found this very reassuring. There is nothing I can do. I can't control this... all I can do is wait.

So I wait... and wait.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

US today

I have had a serious back ache and some pretty miserable cramping over the last few days. Last night the cramping woke me up from a dead sleep. It felt just like when I was about to get my period. With my period, I would experience a lot of cramps, break out in a cold sweat, and inevitably, I would get the "day 1 surge".

This morning I woke to find spotting, pink spotting. The back ache has not left me, and I've had cramps on and off all day. So, bright and early I called the RE's office to ask what I should do. I was supposed to have my 1st US tomorrow, but I they let me come in today instead. Well, all measured where it was supposed to. They found 1 sac, and it's measuring where it should be. Why am I not relieved?

I came home from the US and had more spotting, perhaps from the probe. More cramping this afternoon. Please someone tell me if this is normal??? My nurses didn't. They said we've done everything we can right now. We can only wait until the next US which is December 4th. That is SOooo long from now.

Did anyone else ever experience this?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

US Friday

I am starting to worry like crazy. My US is on Friday and I can't wait. Today I woke up not feeling so "pregnant". I mean, I was having some heartburn and feeling a little queasy, but I'm not sick enough, tired enough or anything. I can't sleep. I wake up at 3am and worry.... I seriously tried my meditation mp3 at 3am.

... please, someone tell me that I'm not supposed to feel this stuff yet, and everything is going to be ok. sigh...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Beta #2

1296! I'm happy again today.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

570 reasons to be happy today

BETA: 570!

I want to be cautious, knowing that so many things could go wrong, but I don't care (today). I'm happy.

Beta 2: Friday

Thanks for all the good wishes Ladies.....
Right back at ya!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The calm before the storm

I called and requested my test be moved to Wednesday instead of Thursday. I work from home on Wednesdays and I want to have the day to cry (in between calls) if I need it.

No spotting, limited heartburn, AF symptoms... Psychosis :)

Hub and I are going to test together tonight. He actually asked me if I had any tests on me at work today. (He knows me too well) But, I promised.

Monday, November 10, 2008

The pull of the stick....

I didn't give in! yet...

Beta is Thursday, Hub and I agreed to test Wednesday morning. My premonitions of being pregnant come and go like the wind. As I type, I'm feeling AF like crampiness and I'm breaking out in a cold sweat, however this could be attributed to my 3 block walk to work. I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm crying, I'm not.... What the F? Am I or NOT????

Ok, enough of a rant. Hub made me promise not to test before Wednesday, which would be 14dp 3dt. I mean... come on! He has a point though, if I test negative too early, I'll question whether I was really pregnant. If I test positive, life will be GOOD!

It was hard this weekend. I went to Trader Joes (love it) and every other woman was pregnant or carrying the most adorable infants. I had a physical ache when I saw them... But you all know what I'm talking about. I'm preaching to the choir.

Ok, heading to the Ladies here at work, looking for evidence (or lack thereof) of spotting... wish me luck.

Friday, November 7, 2008

not feeling any symptoms

Beta an eternity from now, on the 13th. Why oh why must I wait so long.

Seriously, I'm not feeling much other than the absolutely miserable side effects of Estrogen and progesterone. Sore boobs, and oh so constipated. (TMI, but most of my fellow IFers will say... hum, are those really prego symptoms?)

Staying away from the tests... far away.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

7 Days and counting until beta day

I don't think I can make it... I'm now 8dp 3dt. I'm 11 days past crazy...
Should I test?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Emotional mess

Last night I went to a family gathering at my friends house. 2 families with 3 kids, 1 family with 2 kids, 1 single Mom with infant. So in short, 4 infants in the house... with me. I have to say, I tried to put on the best spin I good as I held their babies... spouting nonsense about good karma.

I've been in tears all morning. I will confess to watching emotional tely... but frankly, I think I let all my emotions out about the ER, transfer and all tonight... 11 days and counting...