Friday, October 31, 2008

3Day transfer,,, 3 embies

We had a successful 3 day transfer where they put back 3 embies. I really didn't ask much about the quality of the embryos. I expected to get a report card, or a grade, but when I asked, the Doc said they were, "above average"... ok, whatever that means.

The truth is... I had to pee so badly that I just wanted to hurry up and get the whole thing over with. The worst part about this transfer, and quite frankly the whole IVF experience was the tremendous amount of pain my bladder endured on Wednesday. I was on the table with my legs in stirrups, literally breathing through the pain.

The nurse was in my face telling me how I should be thinking good thoughts, and that I would have a more successful transfer if I would think happy thoughts. Then she hands me the picture of the 3 embies. It actually kind of upset me.... Visualize this...

My bladder is more full than I've ever experienced before. Next up, abdominal ultrasound- READ: extreme pushing on my bladder, all for the purpose of ensuring my lining was ok. Check. Follow that up with the speculum, catheter(s) and transfer... all the while the nurse telling me to relax, go to my happy place, look at your embryos....

Are you kidding??? All I could think was, please, please don't let me pee on this table. They wanted me to wait 10 minutes before I peed, but I just could not do it. I am going to feel incredibly guilty if this does not work that it was my fault.

1. I had planned on being very zen and visualizing the embryos going in and softly landing on my very fertile, nurturing uterus. In reality... I was thinking HURRY UP!!!
2. Did I screw something up because I peed??

We have the little picture of the 3 embies, but feeling quite uncertain about what to do with it. When I got prego the first time, hubby was so excited to keep the first ultrasound picture. Then of course, we lost it. I expressed to him my reservations about this little picture, and he looked at me knowingly and said, "We already had one of those". Sad... every now and then he comes out with things that make me realize how much he's internalized our previous losses.

....So now we embark on the 2 week wait. I am really going to try not to test early. Beta is scheduled for the 13th of November, which is an absolute eternity from now. Serenity now!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Today is a good day

7 out of 9 fertilized. I'm happy...

We are doing assisted hatching so we know we are doing a Day 3 transfer, which is Wednesday. Unfortunately we won't know anything until then about quality, etc. But, that's ok. I'll be happy with a potential 7 embies... because maybe we'll get 2 good ones.

fingers crossed, knocking on wood...

ER yesterday

We got 9 eggs. I'm really happy about that. It's not 20 eggs, but nine is better than the 3 I thought I was going to have. So, yesterday I was happy, albeit sore. I'm still feeling a little sore today. Do you IVF'ers out there think that's normal???

Today, I'm riding the anxiety train waiting for the fertilization call. I really, really hope we got some to fertilize. I am seriously just hoping for 2 embies. More is better of course, but I would be happy to have something to transfer.

It's been a difficult few days, and probably even harder on Hubby. He's pretty even keeled and does not express his feelings much, but last night he told me he was nervous about the cycle. He feels like we've finally pulled out the big guns, and he just wants it to work. Then, he wants us to have a healthy baby...

How do you discuss this with your spouse? How do you get him (or her) to open up?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Keeping hope alive

We added another med to the mix this morning... 75 units of Repronex. Come on little follies... GROW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really hope this helps. My in real life friends say that other follies could be hiding out behind the bigger ones, and we don't really know what the true numbers are until they get in there. Keeping myself positive :)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

CD 8- 6 measurable follies

I'm sad. This can't be good. 3 on 1 side and 3 on another over 10. Sure, the nurse will call me later and tell me what the deal is, but how can 6 follies be good??? Remember all that positive talk? I'm losing it.

Someone please tell me a great story how they had 4, 5, 6 follies and got prego? Anyone???

Friday, October 17, 2008

Loopy Lupron

As you can see from my history, I've done 6 medicated cycles so far with some what limited side effects...

Um yeah. Hot flashes, terrible headaches, VERY, VERY short temper, upset stomach... enough said. What a miserable drug this is. Is this normal???

I asked the nurses and they said it was removing estrogen and testosterone from my body, which basically mimics menopause. I joked with the Hub, "Honey, look what you have to look forward to?" Hopefully he won't divorce me in anticipation.

2 days into the Gonal F pen, and I'm starting to feel better. In my head, or physiological, not sure, but who cares... I'm not feeling ready to start a fight with the next person who looks at me funny.

I'm trying to avoid thinking too much about this cycle. When I allow myself to do that, I start to go down the path of thinking about all the things that could go wrong. No Follicles, Not mature, No Fertilization, Poor quality, No implantation, NEGATIVE... trying to stay positive.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss...