Still Waiting

There has been a lot of action since my last post. I am currently doing an Inj and IUI cycle, but the nurses told me if I produced a lot of follicles, they might convert to IVF. Well, for 24 glorious hours, I thought this was going to happen. (Tick, tick tick up the emotional rollercoaster…) I had 6 measurable follies on 1 side and 2 on the other. I was HAPPY for a change. I was laughing and smiling, had a lot of energy... I just realized how much this whole infertility process has taken a toll on my psyche.

But, the next day, the nurses called with my US results and told me to trigger that night with the IUI scheduled for last Friday. (Down I go…) I did not meet "the criteria" for IVF. Criteria? What criteria? Whose criteria? I do ask the nurses these questions, and they probably think I'm a complete control freak nut job, but information is power right now and that keeps me going from day to day.

On IUI Friday, as I sat in the stirrup room in my fully exposed glory, the nurse said, "This is exactly the kind of cycle we like to see with 3 possible eggs." I have high hopes for you. Tick, tick, tick back up the emotional roller coaster. I am trying so hard to keep my emotions in check, but I can't help it. I'm pulling out all the stops for this cycle.

Hubby and I are not religious people. I'm not saying that we are atheists, but we are really not sure what we believe in. What we do know is that organized religion has been the cause of many wars, economic injustice, and lack of independent thinking. Given this, getting down on my knees and asking god to help us create a baby is a bit hypocritical, don't you think? This thought, however, has not stopped me from calling all my religious friends and asking them to say prayers for us. So, I’ve got the cavalry praying…

Next, I thought I would try the Chinese medicine route- Acupuncture. Saturday morning I went to my first acupuncture appointment. I am pretty analytical, and really don’t believe much in Zen, etc. But, I’ve seen the statistics that acupuncture does help infertility, so I thought I would give it a whirl. I asked what the theory behind acupuncture was, and she explained that the needles correct the flow of the energy in my body. Ok, what? I had to repeat my new mantra, “Willing suspension of disbelief—there is something to this Chinese medicine.” The results: It didn’t hurt, except for 1 spot, and I actually think I’ve been more relaxed since Saturday. So, we’ll see, I go back Wednesday for my next treatment.

Back to waiting… I’m 4 days into the 2week wait and all my symptoms of crazy are coming back. Obsessive googling, pushing my bbs to assess their level of soreness (which I believe have reached new heights due to the HCG and progesterone), looking for that metally taste in my mouth, talking to my hopefully fertilized egg(s). Oh yeah, I’m calling them the twins.
Thanks for letting me vent. This blog is my way of getting all my thoughts out without overwhelming my fertile friends and family…. Until next time…